What can't HECK complain about?

Often I take the devil's advocate route and debate or discuss certain points on a wide variety of topics. Some times I point out flaws or things that annoy me on subjects I would otherwise enjoy. As a friend brought up last night when I went off on lawyers in quite the comedic routine, "what can't you complain about?" So, here we have the topic of this thread. Also it's a bit on the Adam Carolla radio show that I am borrowing.

SO- post something and HECK will complain about it.

-HECK!

boobies.

The thing about boobs is when you go to a strip club and see that tired looking broad that life kicked in the face, dancing around with those saggy, wrinkled, pathetic, pruny boobs that had any appeal whatsoever molested off of them years ago.

Then there's the Implant Gone Wrong girls. They have that big ol' jagged scar cupping their tit like Freddy Krueger did the operation with a blindfold on. Or maybe they are pointing the wrong way like the Scarecrow giving Dorothy directions.

Of course there are man boobs too. Big ol' pie sucking doughboy's that let themselves go to the point all that Dairy Queen collects in their breast area giving them quite the pair of jugs. Slap a Bro on those and drop a few pounds, tiny.

Let's not forget the Earthy Hippy Bitch who wips out her afro nipples and breast feeds in public. Yeah, it's a natural thing, but so is taking a shit and I don't want to see either at the fuckin' mall while I'm grubbing at Hot Dog On Stick.

-HECK!

HECK!

Seriously, what is HECK's problem? He has this over-glorified sense of self, he's sarcastic, argumentative and half of his jokes are stupid anyway and the other half no one gets. He's like the energizer bunny on down syndrome.

Every other post is about beer or tits. We get it, you like beer. Shut up already.

And that picture of you doing a keg stand? How old are you now?

Don't even get me started on that "-HECK!" bullshit at the end of every single damn post. What is that about? Like we don't know it's you or something.

Plus HECK doesn't like the TV show Lost. He has no taste at all.

Sticking up for that prick Donald Trump too... HECK is an ass sometimes just for the sake of being an ass.

-HECK!

Mother Teresa

HECK! wrote:

Seriously, what is HECK's problem? He has this over-glorified sense of self, he's sarcastic, argumentative and half of his jokes are stupid anyway and the other half no one gets. He's like the energizer bunny on down syndrome.

Every other post is about beer or tits. We get it, you like beer. Shut up already.

And that picture of you doing a keg stand? How old are you now?

Don't even get me started on that "-HECK!" bullshit at the end of every single damn post. What is that about? Like we don't know it's you or something.

Plus HECK doesn't like the TV show Lost. He has no taste at all.

Sticking up for that prick Donald Trump too... HECK is an ass sometimes just for the sake of being an ass.

-HECK!

HECK! doesn't bother me at all. He's the "Simon Cowell" of forums. Tell it like it is, take no prisoners. No complaints from me, of course he's right about LOST & Trump most of the time.

LICKETY wrote:

Mother Teresa

So when I was in grade school there was this girl named Teresa that all the other kids called Mother Teresa just because they were dumb ass little kids. Problem is, I was sweet on the chick but couldn't anything because I didn't want to be the guy who liked "Mother" Teresa. She was a nice enough girl. But nooooo, her name was ripped on for years and who knows what kind of mental damage it caused or complex's she developed. I bet you that nationwide the names of non-Italian girls are not going to be Teresa because of that. An entire name was shit canned because of one person.

-HECK!

You know which "Mother Teresa" I was talking about, wiseguy.

See you have a good heart and cannot complain about Mother Teresa for fear you will go to hell or someplace similar.

I'll give you another one....easy.

"cell phones"

LICKETY wrote:

You know which "Mother Teresa" I was talking about, wiseguy.

See you have a good heart and cannot complain about Mother Teresa for fear you will go to hell or someplace similar.

I'll give you another one....easy.

"cell phones"

Hey, I complained about her... in a roundabout way...

-HECK!

Internet message boards.

Whidden

beer

Whewie... this things that he loves: Message boards, Whidden, and beer.

Okay... so maybe two things, and a pal he's tight with.

Well, maybe tight is stretching it a weeeeee bit.

hahahahahaha!

I think Heck! mostly puts up with me. I'm like a stinky uncle he can't get rid of. Would upset the family.

LICKETY wrote:

"cell phones"

Cell phones have easily become the bane of our existance. In less than a decade seemingly every asshole in the world has a cell phone and uses it anywhere at anytime. At the movies, while driving their car, eating at a restaurant... but the absolute worst is these pieces of shit that have the wireless deal, butt-tooth or whatever it's called. They're walking around talking and you ask them "I'm sorry, are you talking to me?" to which they reply in a smug, assholeish tone, "no, I'm on my phone." Well excuse me Mr. Six Million Dollar Man, I didn't know your mf'n cell phone implant was activated. Son of a bitch.

Since when do we need the ability to talk on the phone at any time? In non emergencies the conversation should last no more than 15 seconds and only take place when there is not another person around for 30 feet. Anything other than that and you're an asshole.

-HECK!

Whidden wrote:

Internet message boards.

What is the problem with internet message boards? You have a gaggle of overly opinionated, anonymous jackoffs with superiority or inferiority complexes that lash out and wax endlessly on a bevy of topics that they're pretend to be an expert on. Such an ill-founded sense of entitlement amongst people who would no doubt type their fingers blooding arguing about arguably the best way to argue.

Then you get these people who trash everything and everyone, calling them every name in the book and then some. Meanwhile if you met that person in real life you'd be able to break their pasty, nerdy, drooling ass three ways from Tuesday.



-HECK!

Okay... so we're waiting on your write up's for Whidden, and beer.

HECK! wrote:

LICKETY wrote:

"cell phones"

Cell phones have easily become the bane of our existance. In less than a decade seemingly every asshole in the world has a cell phone and uses it anywhere at anytime. At the movies, while driving their car, eating at a restaurant... but the absolute worst is these pieces of shit that have the wireless deal, butt-tooth or whatever it's called. They're walking around talking and you ask them "I'm sorry, are you talking to me?" to which they reply in a smug, assholeish tone, "no, I'm on my phone." Well excuse me Mr. Six Million Dollar Man, I didn't know your mf'n cell phone implant was activated. Son of a bitch.

Since when do we need the ability to talk on the phone at any time? In non emergencies the conversation should last no more than 15 seconds and only take place when there is not another person around for 30 feet. Anything other than that and you're an asshole.

-HECK!

i hate blue tooth. i can see why like truckers would want them when they are on the road, you know so if they get a call while driving they can answer and tlalk hand free. but it's so frigin annoying,

I could go on and on and on about cell phones. I have one, and I use it. But I get so pissed off when people are using it while going up to a counter to get something: Food, prescriptions, etc... If you're not done with your call, get out of the fucking line and let the rest of us go.

Invisible wrote:

beer

Beer- sweet nectar of the gods or big belly in a can?

As we know booze is the last legal drug and beer is the gateway.

Have you seen these construction guys that are skinny except they look pregnant? Ever go to a hardware store? They load up on the free popcorn and $1 hot dogs and pop a beer in their truck. It all collects in their gut and nowhere else. That's why we have 40x28 size pants at JC Penny.

See, beer also leads to cullinary inhibition. That is to say, you end up shoving greasy fast food down your trap to try and soak up the foamy mess collecting in your liver.

Not to mention the 501 times you have to piss in a night from drinking beer. You don't buy beer, you rent it. And it doesn't help that beer looks the same going in and out. It's almost like you can pee in a cup and have this eternal circle of beer/pee consumption.

And good luck getting a beer at a baseball game without taking out fuckin' loan or a second mortage. $7 for a 12oz beer? Oh, and you'll pay it. Dropping $50 for just over a six pack at the game is insane. But we pay it!

Curse you beer. Curse you.

-HECK!

Let my people go you drunk bastard.

You must part the red beer... separate the tomato juice from the Budweiser.

-HECK!