Ask Dr. Whid

As a geriatric proctologist, you have found your niche. Maybe you'll get the chance to stick your head up Dr. Phil's butt...ewwww....what a thought. I'd also like to see copies of those medical licenses....I suspect you probably majored in underwater basketweaving in school...

Amy, it's very depressing to look at rectums all day, but that Dr. Phil is such an ambulance chasing ***hole, I would just rufuse!!!

No way, I'm checking out that fellows spincter.

LOL....I'm probably the only person here who's never seen Dr Phil on TV, but I heard about him trying to "help" Britney Spears, and I saw him on some morning show trying to defend himself. I kind of imagine him as the sort of guy our old friend little John grew into.

Dr. Whid, your head in no way, shape or form resembles a pine cone. But what I'm really interested in is your secret to perfectly manicured finger nails. Can you please fill us all in?

The answer is Bee Pollen and lots of it. Eat it, drink it, put in on your bed sheets so you can lie in it.

If you own a dog, put it in his dog food.

Also, daily enemas are nessesary. And not the typical enema bottle will do, get a super sized 5 gallon. You really need to root out those poisons from your colon.

Put some Bee Pollen in with the enema water, but not too much.

Do not put Bee Pollen on pizza, this will give you liver desease, and your nails will turn yellow.

Thank you, Dr. Whidden. The size of your eyes are perfectly propertional to the rest of your face.

Whidden wrote:

BratFlorida wrote:

Dr Whid, where did you go to medical school? What is your specialty? Are you related to Dr Phil?

I spent 15 long years at Johns Hopkins University.

I have a much stronger suspicion that you spent 15 long years at Long John Silvers.....and yeah, I can see you as the janitor...

Dear Dr. WHidden,

Do you make custom insoles? I thought I saw you at the mall. Are you really the love child of Dr. Scholl and Dr. Ruth? If so, are you into feet?

Sincerely,

Fuscia

BratFlorida wrote:

I have a much stronger suspicion that you spent 15 long years at Long John Silvers.....and yeah, I can see you as the janitor...

Folks like you are often intimidated by those with higher education like myself.

fuscia wrote:

Dear Dr. WHidden,

Do you make custom insoles? I thought I saw you at the mall. Are you really the love child of Dr. Scholl and Dr. Ruth? If so, are you into feet?

Sincerely,

Fuscia

Pigs feet are o.k. I guess. I really prefer a good slice of pizza myself. But whatever floats yer boat.

As for insoles, I'm not a pastor, take that religious stuff to your local one. What does or does not happen to your immortal insole is not for a doctor to say. I'm not sure you even have one myself. Just a bunch of bio neurons and electrical synapis if you ask me. Might as well ask if a plankton dreams of becoming a fish.

Dr Whid,

I feel like a pair of curtains what do i do?

I feel everyone ignores me!

How can i fly by growing wings?

Quote :

Do you make custom insoles?

Dear Dr. Whid:

How come I read the above quote as, "Do you make custom assholes?"

What's wrong with me?

Thanks ahead of time.

Panda wrote:

Dr Whid,

I feel like a pair of curtains what do i do?

I feel everyone ignores me!

How can i fly by growing wings?

Put some raw bleach directly under the fingernail. This will kill the yellow fungus. Follow that with raw pepper under the nail.

And drink lots of water.

Invisible wrote:

Quote :

Do you make custom insoles?

Dear Dr. Whid:

How come I read the above quote as, "Do you make custom assholes?"

What's wrong with me?

Thanks ahead of time.

Come in for an office visit. We will drill a very small hole in your front teeth with a carbide drill bit.

You won't be able to ever drink milk again, but soy milk is fine. Or chocolate ovaltine. Nothing Bovine though.

Dear Dr. Whid,

Drill away. My teeth are fake anyway. What the hell is Ovaltine. They don't sell it here. Can I substitute Cherry Margarita's instead?

You're a lifesaver.

Ovaltine is a delicious milk like beverage powder that is mixed with water or milk, and it should be drank 15 cups a day or more.

Whidden wrote:

BratFlorida wrote:

I have a much stronger suspicion that you spent 15 long years at Long John Silvers.....and yeah, I can see you as the janitor...

Folks like you are often intimidated by those with higher education like myself.

You were high during your education? Ahhh..........that explains it....

This class envy is really burning my gluteous maximus. Because I am rich, and have more education, and am not a drain to society like stupid people, and have a Dr. in front of my name, I'm healthy and I clean my colon everyday, and cleanse my body of toxins, unlike the general pizza eating, beer drinking public,

eh...lost my train of thought. I had something good I think.

I often lose my train of thought during surgery like that. Can't remember what I'm removing or adding.

I just ask the nurse and she reminds me, ha ha.

Whidden wrote:

This class envy is really burning my gluteous maximus. Because I am rich, and have more education, and am not a drain to society like stupid people, and have a Dr. in front of my name, I'm healthy and I clean my colon everyday, and cleanse my body of toxins, unlike the general pizza eating, beer drinking public,

eh...lost my train of thought. I had something good I think.

With glutin in your maximus, you could not possibly have a clean colon. I deny any trace of envy....I name myself Queen, and now I outrank you.

Queen Brat, are you revoking Whidden's medical license?

Please don't, he's the only doctor I know.

Hmmm....as self appointed queen, I will have to give this some thought. I think the good Doctor should have a chance to plead his case. Perhaps we could have some feedback from some of his patients? Never let it be said I was not a fair, just queen.

He once told me to get enemas as to allow me to have nice nails.

It sounded fair at the time, but I'm starting to question the treatment's validity.

I once asked Dr Whid about my fears of the unknown, and he gave a really strange answer. He started talking about sexual diseases, then said the following:

"A gentle cleaning of the genitals with lysol or windex will speed recovery, which should be in 2 to 5 years."

I wasn't going to try that. NASTY!!! I went to my obgyn and I have a very clean bill of health. I think that Dr Whid is a whack doctor, and his license must have come from a box of craker jacks. REVOKE I SAY!!!!

gaboman wrote:

He once told me to get enemas as to allow me to have nice nails.

It sounded fair at the time, but I'm starting to question the treatment's validity.

But how are your nails?