Stupid shit I hear around the office

When you hear stupid shit pepole say around your office, school or wherever post it here.

-HECK!

From my deak I could hear this silly broad say, "I love blue pens!"

The enthusiasm was what got me. She wasn't being sarcastic or overstating anything. The loon really loves blue pens.

-HECK!

Hey, I love blue pens too!!! It's just that I prefer to use a pen with blue ink, even though black is my favorite color. But, I wouldn't be all estatic over it!!!

yet your estatic over not be estatic.

But with this chick, if you actually get excited over a blue pen I think there is something else going on upstairs.

-HECK!

you don't know her previous relationship with this so called blue pen. Or may she had a bad experience with a black pen, maybe even a TRAUMATIC one. what if blue pens are really imaginary friends that you can't see - don't be jealous.

Haha, don't be yeeeeeeealous.

Today a person in the cube next to me asked if I had seen their scissors. I astutely responded, "not my turn to watch them." I love myself.

-HECK!

oh no, don't be the jerko sarcastico guy in the office. no one likes that guy. - want some ginger snaps? or a Ginger SLAP! ha
just don't turn into that nick the computer guy or whatever his name is from snl. i hate that guy.

I hear more stupid WORDS from the people in my office more than anything.
examples:

romantical
supposeBly
exxxxxpecially
hurted <- these are the worst.

Illuminate wrote:

oh no, don't be the jerko sarcastico guy in the office. no one likes that guy. - want some ginger snaps? or a Ginger SLAP! ha
just don't turn into that nick the computer guy or whatever his name is from snl. i hate that guy.

The Ginger Slap comment was pretty funny. The whole office could hear you laughing.

And it's Nick Burns, thanks. I can't help but act like that sometimes. Freakin' gimps can't don't know their mouse from their asshole. The best is still when someone says, "my stupid computer won't do this" and you go "yeah, because it's the computer that's stupid, right?"

-HECK!

Illuminate wrote:

I hear more stupid WORDS from the people in my office more than anything.
examples:

romantical
supposeBly
exxxxxpecially
hurted <- these are the worst.

The lit major can't stand it. Glad I don't say any of those silly words. Cereal.

-HECK!

yes, i'm THAT person in the office. the one that has the loudest, most annoying neigh of a laugh that you can hear a mile away. SO WHAT?

ah yes, the old days... heck and i used to work together - sitting maybe 2 cubicles away and IMing all day. He used to get me in trouble for laughing all loud ALL THE TIME. You try explaining to your boss why you thought the "spreadsheet" you put up on your desktop to cover the IMs was so hilarious.

What can I say, I'm a card.

And I have a laugh on me too. But I would be on the other side of the office talking the graphics guy and I would hear illuminate laugh. It was funny.

Remember when I set up my e-mail to say "Mail motherfucker!" when I get a new message? And I had my speakers up all loud and then left? My computer was cussing and it was great.

Or what about... The Lurker?

-HECK!

I came on after The Lurker
But I heard about him, and the Great Firing of 2001 or something.
I was there when David had an attack or something b/c he's CRAZY and someone took him to the hospital or the ambulance was called OR SOMETHING
And when that crazy magazine lady went BERSERKO.

That place was full of crazies.

and you're one to talk mr. I EMBARRASS EVERYONE WITH MY SIREN OF A LAUGH. Remember "Euro Trip?" Everyone in the theatre was laughing AT YOU b/c you were near death. And all you could hear were your wails. it was like a banshee

You were after The Lurker. Man. I know I've told the stories a thousand times but for those who don't know and might give a shit, The Lurker would always basically lurk around the office. Like you would be at your desk and dude would slowly walk up and look at you until you acknowledge him. When you were done talking he'd still stand there and stare for a bit then walk away.

He was an older dude so I felt bad sometimes.

One morning I get there a little early, which is to say I was on time, and I go in the break room to get some coffee or a soda, and it's dark so I turn on the light and dude is freakin' sitting there at the table. Scared the shit out of me. He was eating this little pizza for one thing and asked if I wanted some. So weird.

Then there was the epic meeting where the Sales Mgr. and the Marketing Director start a shouting match right which nearly ended in a fight. Everyone was just sitting back not saying a word. Afterward the Sales Mgr. thinks he's having a heart attack and an ambulance comes.

I don't use this word very often and I really don't like to throw it out, but that magazine lady was a fuckin' cunt and I could not stand her. Stpuid tub of guts had my boss fired for some bullshit.

And my laugh is awesome. The Euro Trip incident was great. I almost imploded. I haven't laughed that hard in a movie for a whle.

-HECK!

Man, the office I work at now angers me. The freakin' main clock we all go by was always 4 minutes slow. Always. When daylight savings hit it all of a sudden became 1 minute fast. For a person that's always 5 - 10 minutes late to work that now makes it 10 - 15 minutes late and very noticable by the bosses. WHAT THE HELL!

-HECK!

Illuminate wrote:

you don't know her previous relationship with this so called blue pen. Or may she had a bad experience with a black pen, maybe even a TRAUMATIC one. what if blue pens are really imaginary friends that you can't see - don't be jealous.

Maybe she had RELATIONS with that pen, and that's why she was so crazy about it. Seriously... tell her that she might try something, next time, with a little more BULK to it!!!

I hear stupid shit at the office all the time. For example:

"Get back to work, your break is over"

"No personal calls while working..."

and my favourite,

"You shouldn't be on the internet at work, I'm gonna put netgear on it again"



((not said to me of course, but I hear it being said..))

Haha. At work, I can be talking to my boss in his office and when my personal cell phone rings I say "oooh I gotta take this" and I walk out. He just shakes his head and laughs. I'm sure it's not his favorite thing in the world but HEY, this job isn't my favorite either.