Family Guy quotes that crack you up

I just suddenly thought of something in a recent Family Guy episode that made me laugh. He's talking about how he gets excited when they say the titles of movies within the movie, and then one of them is "to solve this crisis, I need to be Superman IV - The Quest For Peace" and he's like "ooh, so that's why they called it that!"

Family Guy is just a Rugrats rip-off.

Can't think of it right now, but it's after the Stephen King inspired 'Three Kings' episode late last season. At the end of the Stand By Me rip, the v/o of Dreyfuss says something like "...and after River Phoenix died of a drug overdose outside we were left with a less talented hairlip version..." and it showed a picture of Joaquin and a sound went 'waaa-waaa'. I about shit. Hilarious.

-HECK!

That was good. And when the break comes back Peter's like "and Joaquinn Phoenix, if you're still watching, thanks for being a good sport... and you've passed our test... and you can be our friend..."

Finally found a good site, here are a few that crack my shit up:

Lois: Oh, what about this, Meg? A pink baby-tee that says "Little Slut." That seems pretty hip.
Meg: I don't know if that's really me, Mom.
Lois: Well, they've got one that says "Porn Star" and another that says "Sperm Dumpster." And they're all written in glitter.
Meg: All right, all right. Give me "Sperm Dumpster."
Lois: That's the spirit!


--

Lois: And you know what? I'm gonna take that chance my father never let me take when I was younger. I'm gonna become a model!
Peter: Hey, that's fantastic, Lois! And I'll pleasure myself to your photos.
Chris: Me too!
Meg: Me too!
Peter: Oh! Oh! God! Meg! That's sick! That's your mother!
Meg (shrugs): I'm just trying to fit in.
Peter: Get out! Get out of this house!
(Meg doesn't move. Peter punches wall.)
Peter: I SAID GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE NOW!
(Meg runs out and Peter closes the door.)
Peter: That's a good about your modeling, Lois.

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(Meg walks in after getting a make-over)
Meg: Look everybody I got a makeover!!
Peter: Aw, Meg I thought you were always beautiful...(bursts out laughing). Whoa, coudn't do that with a straight face, huh? Chris, go burn all of Meg's old pictures.

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-HECK!

Hahaha they hate Meg so much...

Stewie: (about Meg's wedding dress) Look at her fat shoulders in those spaghetti straps. It's like bread baking around twine!

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(In Quagmire's house)
Social worker: "Glen honey, I got a question for you. What do you do for a living?
Quagmire: "I got a question for you. Why are you still here?"

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(Griffin answering machine)

Herbert: Uh, yeah, I was just wondering, uh... where the newspaper boy was.

[beep]

Herbert: Haven't seen the newspaper in a couple days. Wonderin' if he ever gonna come back.

[beep]

Herbert: Guess who? Sorry to leave you so many messages. Just lonely here. Thinkin' about the muscly-armed paperboy. Wishin' he'd come by and bring me some good news.

[beep]

Herbert: Where are you?

[beep]

Herbert: Ah you're starting to piss me off you lil' piggly sum'bitch. Call me!
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-HECK!

gaboman wrote:

Hahaha they hate Meg so much...

Saw this deal on YouTube with a collection of 'Family Guy Hates Meg' videos. It was a riot. The fart one was my favorite.

-HECK!

When Peter's chasing Meg around the table farting at her? That's funny. I think my favorite is still when she got all those arrows in her back and fell over dead. Comedy.

I like when Herbert went to the race track and was talking to a jockey.

Herbert: Hey there little fella.
Jockey: I'm 48.
Herbert: This whole place is a giant mind-fuck.

Herbert is hilarious. I can't get enough of that old pervert. When he duets with Chris on Lovers & Friends, or when he sung "Somewhere That is Green" from Little Shop Of Horrors. Classic.

Herbert is the best. And he shouldn't be. But he is.

The whistley way he talks is great.

In the Blue Harvest episode, when he first appears. C-3PO/Quagmire asked who he is... Obi-Wan-Herbert goes "One lucky sum'bitch!" I almost clapped when I saw him.

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Stewie: Now, I'm going to do something I like to call the 'Compliment Sandwhich" Where I say something good, talk about where you need improvement, and then end with something good.

Brian: Whatever you gotta do...

Stewie (flips notepad): Something good... something good... You look like SNOOPY and it makes me smile... but you have smelly dog farts.

--

-HECK!

Jasper: Guys, this is Ricardo, from the Philippines and my kitchen floor.

Jasper is funny. I think Brian was staying at his house once, wherever he was Sex & the City was on and Brian goes, "so this show is about three hookers and their mom?" I peed a little on that one.

I liked it when Stewie looked into the camera and told the audeince to flip it over to Desperate Housewives. Said how gross they looked. Excellent.

-HECK!

Herbert rules. I wish he was in every episode.

His quotes are the best, my bad if I'm repeating them:

"You like popsicles?"

"Now, we can all settle this like sexy teenagers."

"You don't wanna hurt yourself dancing, you better stretch out those creamy hamstrings"

"Well, Oshkosh b'gosh! We got ourselves a new paper boy. That's a mighty fine sack you're carrying." (Stewie on his tricycle) "Piss off you perverted old freak."

"Stop sassin' me boy or I'll slap you in the penis."

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-HECK!